a page in my existence

2011-10-01T21:15:00.002+08:00

I am a lonely soul,
a bud looking for sunlight

I come across a girl with black long hair
her smile was warmth, her eyes were light

She is running towards someone
her wavy hair dancing in the wind

time froze for just a second
then her head was buried in my chest
i guess that someone was me

i found myself hugging her
her hair smelled like strawberries

i took in the warmth
i basked in the sunlight
i found my sun.

beauty in sadness

2011-06-22T12:16:00.000+08:00

I noticed that I can only write poems when I'm sad. I don't know if it's the same for everyone else who write but that is the case for me. I guess being depressed gets my creative juices flowing.

just one of those days

2011-06-07T21:18:00.001+08:00

I've been feeling bummed lately and I don't know exactly why. I've got this empty feeling inside and it's draining all my energy. I might need a vacation. Rather, I do need a vacation.

It's been raining every night for 4 straight nights. It's kinda depressing hearing the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof. I wanted to go to the gym but it's pouring outside. *sigh*

Usually, I'm perfectly fine being by myself, but now I just want somebody to be here with me. I guess I'm just lonely.

Mavs lost game 3

2011-06-06T12:11:00.001+08:00

nuff said :(

lazy sundays

2011-06-05T14:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's just nice to sit back and relax on a Sunday. It's warm and bright outside - signs of a wonderful afternoon to come. I wish Lesley were here. Then, I could enjoy it more. I miss her.

Mavericks win Game 2 (NBA Finals 2011)

2011-06-03T14:48:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching the game! Yeah!!! Mavericks grab the elusive V after coming back from a 15 point deficit in the 4th quarter. The team rallied near the end of the game, gaining a 22-5 run against the Heat.

I tell you. It was fun to watch - a real thriller of a game. It's an instant classic. I still can't get over it. I'm looking forward to Game 3 back in Dallas. I'm pretty sure that the Mavs are gonna take that one. Three more to go to win the series! Let's go Mavs!

http://blogs.wsj.com/dailyfix/2011/06/02/nba-finals-live-blog-dallas-mavericks-vs-miami-heat-game-2/

body pains

2011-06-02T23:34:00.001+08:00

I'ts been a long day. I just stayed at home because my whole body hurts from playing basketball yesterday. Oooh. I do enjoy a good game of basketball. Speaking of basketball, I was watching the NBA finals 2011 yesterday and my team lost. Sad really. I hope the Dallas Mavericks win Game 2 against the Miami Heat. I'd love to see Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd win their first championship. Go Mavs!

how to unlock an iPhone 4

2011-06-01T15:26:00.002+08:00

Today I received a package from my Mom who lives in Melbourne, Australia. It's her iPhone 4, which she bought in the Philippines a couple months ago. Apparently, it can't recognize international Sims (e.g. Vodafone) so she sent it back here and had me figure out how to unlock it. I'm having a hard time finding a tutorial in the internet. This time Google is not my friend. However, I will persevere. I'll get back to you when I figure this out. Ciao.

update : I finally found a tutorial : http://www.redmondpie.com/jailbreak-ios-4.2.1-iphone-4-3gs-3g-ipad-ipod-touch-with-redsn0w-0.9.6b4-guide/ I'm hacking away!

got nothing to do but write

2011-05-31T20:10:00.004+08:00

I'm pretty darn bored. I was looking for a job online and I found a listing for a creative article writer. They wanted somebody who could write articles about stuff. I applied and listed this blog as my sample work. I'm still waiting for their reply so I just thought may be I could redesign my blog while I'm at it. It feels nice to write again though. I wonder if people still read. :)

Ma vie, mon amour

2009-11-27T02:32:00.000+08:00

the night is cold and wet

droplets of rain fall silently

like tears descending

from eyes devoured by sadness

i gaze through the window

of my dark and lonely apartment

i vividly recall your warmth

your special way of calming my soul

my hand feels alone

my chest grows heavy

my heart seems lifeless

my life is empty without you

i want to be near you

where my life and home are one

i want to feel your breath

i want to be alive

and water washes away the sins of the world

2009-10-08T10:38:00.000+08:00

the rain slowly tricked under the cloud of darkness. the glass panes of the sky rise building bravely defended against the wind pounding relentlessly. i looked gloomily at silver streaks of rain slashing through the sky like tiny rockets. i shrugged and thought to myself "another rainy day.."

the night quickly turned to day and i glanced at the huge clock that had "MANILA" embossed at the top. it read 12:30 pm. it was quitting time. i hurried back to my locker and hastily decided to brave the rain and just walk home since there was bound to be unending traffic. i got out of the office and basked not in glorious sunlight but dreadful rain. i zipped up my jacket and quickly pulled the hood over my head. i opened up my trusty umbrella and off i went. i suddenly realized that it was not normal rain. the road was absent of the hustle and bustle of cars, buses and jeepneys. people were walking barefoot and were drenched up to their chests. i kept on walking. i turned the corner and then i saw the watery grave that devoured the whole street. my shoes.. i thought to myself. i wished i had worn sneakers last night. i managed to find some footing and kept my shoes water-free for a couple of steps. eventually, i had to take them off and walk with only socks on. i tried to find a pair of slippers but to no avail. every store didn't stock them in the first place or they ran out due to high demand. i resigned to my fate and eventually put my shoes back on. i whispered a hurried sorry to them as i treaded through the lake of dirt and trash. it was the longest walk home. i stumbled on invisible obstacles, swam through a sea of mud and fought against a current made by a bus that i could've mistaken as a boat. i was soaked to the chest when i finally reached the street to our apartment. the water was just below my chin. i raised my bag just above my head to save it from being wet. i rode the current downstream and chanced upon some people trying to ride make-shift boats. some people even charged for ferrying people across the deeper parts of the streets. i chuckled at the sight. there was something amusing about the scene. i reached the steps to our beloved home and each step brought me closer to solid ground.

the light had gone out. water and food were scarce. my roommates and i had to endure the situation for almost two days. i was annoyed and easily irratated because of the lack of electricity and more importantly water. electricity was brought back after a couple of hours and we bravely watched the news that made history. a storm ravaged the land. people were missing, injured and dead. houses were destroyed by flood water. thousands were now homeless. i prayed. i thanked God that we lived on the 3rd floor of this apartment, that we only had to endure having no light and water, that we still had the comforts of home, that we were still alive and kicking. i was reminded that everything on this earth is temporary. everything is uncertain, unsure. God giveth and he taketh. life is like that. in an instant, everything you have worked for all these years were washed away. it was very humbling. it was an experience that i would carry always. it made me realize that everything on this world is just of this world. the more important things are there in heaven. God bless all who suffered and died. May their souls find a place in God's loving kingdom.

the quiet splendor of a sunrise

2009-04-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

The sky was lit up by orange and blue streaks of light. The clouds seemed to dance with the stillness of the wind. I stood there, head held back, taking in the beauty of the splendor above me. My eyes consumed the majesty. My soul breathed in the sight of routine yet of grandeur welcome.

I am lucky to be alive. I am blessed to love and be loved in return. My soul is now complete.

must read!! when we were just kids :D

2008-10-31T17:49:00.000+08:00

grabbed from ray ray :D

Nag enjoy akong bumasa neto. Tama nga sila, dumaan nga ako sa pagiging bata. Haha. Ang kulit!

• Masaya ka kapag naglalaro ka ng Tex at Pog. Kadalasan ang design dito ay yung mga palabas sa TV, mga drama o kaya anime, may dialogue pa. lol.

• May comics pa ang bazooka. Kahit di mo maintindihan yung Fortune Cookie sa huli ay collection mo pa rin yun.

• Uso pa yung tirador, yung gawa talaga sa sanga ng puno.

• Ang mga babae naglalaro ng paper dolls na tigpipiso bawat isang set sa sari-sari store.

• Kung lalake ka, siguradong may pellet gun ka.

• Humihingi ka ng dalawang piso sa magulang mo para maglaro ng video arcade sa sari-sari store. Favorite mo yung Sonic, Mario at Street Fighter at Tetris.

• Nagwa-watusi ka kapag New Year kahit pinapagalitan ka ng nanay mo. ]

• Meron kang sapatos na umiilaw yung swelas kapag iniaapak mo. Mas sikat kung iba-iba yung kulay.

• Merong at least isang Chicago Bulls na shirt sa bahay nyo. Madalas number 23 pa yung nakalagay.

• Pinapatulog ka ng yaya/nanay mo tuwing tanghali o hapon para raw lumaki. Hindi na kasi pinapatulog ang mga bata ngayon tuwing tanghali di tulad nung panahon natin.

• Sinasabihan ka ng matatanda na may lalabas na pari o bigas sa sugat mo kapag hindi nilagyan ng alcohol pero in the end, betadine lang ang magpapatahimik sa inyo.

• Kung babae ka, nagkaroon ka ng butterfly hairclips/rings. ( si Jolina ang nagpauso nito.) haha.

• Kung medyo may pera ang pamilya nyo, nagpabili ka ng Polly Pocket.

• Naglalagay ka ng Kisses (yung mabango) sa pencil case mo, o kaya sa isang lalagyan na may bulak, alcohol at tinutusok ng karayom para mabilis manganak.

• May free stickers ng Disney movies sa loob ng Maggi noodles.

• Pinapatunog mo yung takip ng Gatorade.

• Ang mga stationeries na uso: Papemelroti, Tsukuba, Sashikibuta. Pwedeng ibenta, pwedeng trade lang.

• Pampalipas oras mo dati ang paglalaro ng Brick Game, at swerte yung mga may advanced version na may tumatagos na blocks para mapuno na yung gap sa loob. Mas advanced ka kung Tamagotchi ang nilalaro mo. Pinapakain mo, pinapatulog mo, at inililibing mo kung namatay na. At kung talagang kaya nyong bumili, Game Boy ang sayo. Pero kung wala ka talaga, yung laruan na lang na may tubig sa loob tapos dapat ma-shoot mo yung mga bilog sa stick na maliit.

• Bago magsimula ang klase, nakikilaro ka muna sa 10-20, jackstone, langit lupa, ice water, taguan, dr. quack quack, tumbang preso, pepsi seven up at agawan base. Di bale nang madumi na ang uniform mo pagpasok ng classroom.

• Sinasabi mo sa kaklase mo na "Liars go to hell" kapag tingin mo nagsisinungaling sya. "Cross my heart, hope to die" kapag nangangako ka. "Period no erase" kapag gusto mo walang kumontra sayo. Kaya lang wala kang lusot kapag sinabi ng kaklase mo na "Akin yung factory ng pambura".

• Sikat ka pag ang pencil case mo nabubuksan sa dalawang side tapos maraming attachments like magnifying lens, book stand, compartments na maliliit tapos push button pa. Minsan sa ibabaw ng pencil case meron pang maze, may maliit na silver na bola tapos itatagilid mo yung pencil case para gumulong yun, hanggang sa matapos yung maze.

• Di ka baduy kung ang notebook mo nung elementary ay may mukha ng artista.

• Sa coolman mo inilalagay ang tubig na baon mo sa school.

• Nagpabili ka ng Baby-G sa magulang mo.

• Elementary ka nung nauso ang pager. Yun pa ang pinapangarap ng mga bata, hindi pa cell phone.

• Meron ka pa rin ng pinakamalaking cell phone na nakatago na ngayon sa mga kahon.

• Wala pang PS/PS2, XBox, Wii, atbp. noon. Family Computer pa lang, yung cartridge yung bala. Usong laro ang Mario Bros., Battle City at Rambo.

• Meron ka ng isa sa mga ito: Family Computer, Nintendo, Sega, roller blades, brick game, Tamagochi, Swatch Watch w/ matching guard, Troll collection.

• Alam mo ang mga linyang ito sa mga kanta: "Natatawa ako, hi hi hi hi", "Anong paki mo sa long hair ko", "Dahil sa bawal na gamot", "Mga kababayan ko, bilib ako sa kulay ko".

• Isa dito ay theme song mo: "I Swear" by All 4 One, "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes (And I say, Hey ey ey ey ey ey. I said hey, What's goin on!), "Zombie" by Cranberries.

• Sumasayaw ka ng Macarena.

• Alam mo ang kanta ng Spice Girls at may favorite ka sa kanila. Kung fan ka talaga, may poster ka pa at casette tape ka pa nila.

• Malamang ay naging fanatic ka ng isa sa mga sumikat na boy bands.

• Ang tinutugtog lagi sa radyo ay mga kanta ng mga banda gaya ng Eraserheads, Parokya ni Edgar nung nagpapalda pa lang sila, Alamid, Rivermaya, True Faith, The Youth, Afterimage at kung anu-ano pang pinoy bands.

• Tape pa ang uso, di CD or MP3 players. Pag gusto mo yung kanta kailangan tantyahin mo kung ilang seconds i-rewind yun para mabilis paulit-ulitin.

• Kinakanta nyo dati sa school yung "Heal the World", "Tell the World of His Love", "Jubilee Song", etc.

• Nanonood ka dati ng Power Rangers, Captain Planet o Ninja Turtles. Nagkukunyari pa kayo ng mga kaibigan mo na kayo yun at nagkakasipaan kayo.

• Di ka papagalitan ng magulang kahit magbabad ka sa TV, basta ang pinapanood mo ay Hiraya Manawari, Bayani at Sine Skwela, kung saan nakilala mo sila Teacher Waki, Ugat Puno, Palikpik, at ang buong barkada nila lalo na kapag nakasakay sila sa space ship o sa jeep na lumilipad.

• Sinubaybayan mo ang Ghost Fighter at ang Dragon Ball. Naging favorite mo si Eugene at si Goku.

• Niloloko mo yung theme song ng Voltes V kasi di mo maintindihan yung theme song: "Tato ni Ara Mina malaking cobra...", "Boltes Payb lima sila, pumunta sa kubeta...", "...Kontra Bulate!"

• Napanood mo din yung ibang anime tulad ng Shaider, Sailormoon, Daimos at Maskman. Saulo mo pa nga yung kanta dun: "Oh maskuman kayo ang pag-asa.. Iligtas kami sa marahas na kadiliman... Kami inyong ipaglaban! Sugod, sugod laban maskuman, ipaglaban nyo ang katarungan.. Sige, sige laban maskuman.."

• Sinubaybayan mo ang Sarah ang Munting Prinsesa, Julio at Julia, at Cedi. Pinanood mo pa nga yung movie version ng Sarah ang Munting Prinsesa with Camille Prats.

• Alam mo din yung "Ang Pulubi at ang Prinsesa" with Camille Prats and Angelica Panganiban.

• Gusto mong sumali sa ANG TV. Pero alam mong hindi na pwede. kaya kuntento ka na lang sa panonood nito tuwing 4:30 ng hapon.

• Batibot ang usong palabas. Akala mo nga mag-dyowa o mag-asawa sina Kuya Bodjie at Ate Sheena.

• Alam mo yung tono ng pinausong kanta ng show na "ATBP.": Isa.. dalawa-tatlo.. apat-lima.. anim-pito-walo.. syam-sampu... labingisa-labingdalawa... labingtatlo... labingapat-labinglima...

• Napanood mo ang Batang X.

• Sabay kayo nanonood ng yaya mo ng Marimar.

• Nanonood ka ng kahit alin dito: "Okay Ka Fairy Ko", "Oki Doki Doc", "Abangan ang Susunod na Kabanata", "Palibhasa Lalake", "Ober da Bakod", at "Home Along Da Riles"

• Galit ka kay Clara kasi sobra naman talaga sya mang-api kay Mara.

• Pinanood mo din yung "Villa Quintana", "Esperanza", "Anakarenina" atbp.

• Mga love teams na nagpakilig sayo: Juday and Wowie. Jolina and Marvin.

• Alam mo yung commercial ng Tender Juicy hotdog na ganito: "Dear diary, Carlo sat beside me today. He's so cute! Sabi niya I'm pretty kaya lang I'm fat."

• Kinakanta mo yung "Thank God it's Sabado, pati na rin Linggo..." at "Isa pa, isa pa, isa pang Chicken Joy".

• Nasa channel 2 pa ang Eat Bulaga at ang Mel and Jay.

• Nakikita mo sa balita na may mga kultong nagtatago na sa kweba, kasi magugunaw na ang mundo sa year 2000, at yung mga computer daw bigla na lang mag-shu-shut down at mawawala na daw ang technology.

• Chinese variety shows ang palabas tuwing umaga ng linggo.

• Matapang ka kung napanood mo lahat ng Shake, Rattle and Roll movies.

• Narinig mong i-announce sa radyo yung death ni Princess Diana. Biglang nauso yung kanta ni Elton John na "Goodbye, England's Rose."

• Nasa VHS yung mga movies na pinapanood ninyo sa bahay.

• Kung babae ka, naging crush mo si Leonardo di Caprio dahil sa Titanic. Kaya nga lang, bawal ka pa tumingin sa kissing scenes nina Jack at Rose. Haha.

Looking For: Magna Carta: Tears of Blood PS2 Game

2008-10-31T13:49:00.000+08:00

if you have a copy of the game and you are willing to sell/trade/loan it to me, please
email me: dirk_val@yahoo.com or
call/txt me: 09278386714

i'm going to be a year older again..

2008-10-09T12:13:00.000+08:00

(dialogue from School Rumble)

Tenma: are we in a dream?
am i dreaming again?

Karasuma: yes, we are in a dream.
a dream called youth.

when we wake up
we might forget about it
but it will always be a great memory

i miss being a kid :D

the art of napping

2008-10-07T09:32:00.000+08:00

got this from a friend in plurk: learn how to nap

proposal daisakusen

2008-09-01T16:31:00.000+08:00

lately, i've been watching this japanese drama titled: "proposal daisakusen" - "the second proposal" in english. basically, it's about a guy who's in love with his childhood best friend. sadly, he only realizes this during his best friend's wedding. he then wishes with all his heart that he could somehow go back to the past and tell her how he feels. to his surprise, a fairy (yeah.. a fairy :D ) grants him his wish and allows him to go back to the past using the pictures on the a slide show made for the wedding.

it's a 12-episode series and each episode sports more or less an hour of silly, romantic, funny and heart-rending scenes. i enjoyed every minute of it. it's definitely a treat for romantics. hehe. you can watch it in crunchyroll. here the link to make it easier for you: click me

Davao City is still number 1

2008-07-11T13:00:00.000+08:00

i dunno how true this is but i sure hope it is. I found this on the Friendster bulletin board:
Davao City is still the No. 1 most competitive city in the Philippines. It remains as the best place to do business in the country.
Results of the latest ranking by the Asian Institute of Management Policy Center presented last night showed Davao City beating local government units in the capital Metro Manila. In the last survey two years ago, Davao City was tied for No. 1 with Makati City, the nation’s premier financial center.
A total of 90 local government units were included in the survey, metropolitan, mid-sized and small cities. Davao City topped two of six key competitive drivers and scored the highest rate among highly urbanized cities.
Key drivers:
Cost of doing business - No. 1 - Davao City
Infrastructure - No. 1 - Davao City
Dynamism of local economy - No. 1 - Makati City; No. 4 - Davao City
Quality of life - No. 1 - Mandaluyong City; No. 7 - Davao City
Responsiveness of local government - No. 1 - San Juan City; No. 3 - Davao City
Human resources & training - No. 1 - Marikina City; No. 7 - Davao City
Overall among the metro cities:
1. Davao City
2. Quezon City
3. Makati City
4. Manila City
5. Marikina City
6. Lapu-lapu City
7. Paranaque City
8. Muntinlupa City
9. Cebu City
10. Pasay City
Olongapo City topped the mid-sized cities while San Fernando, La Union was No. 1 among small cities.
I love DC. :)

Signs of a certified single/taken

2008-07-10T08:48:00.000+08:00

got this from Melay:

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:

â€¢ Mahilig kumain.

â€¢ Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.

â€¢ Hayok sa tulog.

â€¢ Gadget-addict.

â€¢ Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.

â€¢ Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.

â€¢ Tumataba.

â€¢ Porma to the max.

â€¢ Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.

Symptoms of CERTIFIED TAKEN:

â€¢ Walang pera.

â€¢ Mukhang ngarag at laspag.

â€¢ Kuripot.

â€¢ Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.

â€¢ Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.

â€¢ Boring kausap.

Macross Frontier Addiction

2008-07-07T14:08:00.000+08:00

I can't get enough of this anime.

Macross Frontier is set In the year 2059 AD, the human race has overcome the crisis of imminent extinction resulting from the inter-planetary war against giant aliens. Now, emphasizing species preservation, they set out for the far corners of the Galaxy to find new frontiers. It's the sequel to that famous anime in the late 80's, Macross.

The fighterjet/mech robo valkyries has captured many endearing fans. The series has spawned lots of material in different media such as movies, anime, games, and toys. One thing worth mentioning is the Macross game on the Famicom game console. I love that game! Too bad my Famicom is broken.. all 10 of them. (They only last for a couple of hours and poof!.. dead.. scrap metal.)

i absolutely love the mecha but what i love even more are the songs which the leading lady sings, Ranka-chan. Kawaii!! hehe.
check out this video:

another thought about love

2008-06-20T11:55:00.000+08:00

this is a quote taken from a book, eleven minutes. i'd like to share it.

"Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that , we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with." -maria

my God page

2008-06-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

i dedicate this blog entry to God, my saviour and my friend.

I thank you God for all the blessings you're given me and the people I care about.

let me write them so i won't ever forget how good you are to me

my loving family especially my lola lily, she's more like a mother to me than a lola

my love, Lesley Ann Nifras, she colors my world, she's my inspiration, my comfort and my
joy

Ordips Internet Cafe and its apparent success

my yaya, manang virgie for taking really good care of me

my loving friends who aren't always there but are always here in my heart

my health

my still functioning mind

my home and Davao City

my reliable van

my heavy duty laptop which never gave up on me despite being ON for a month now

and so many more blessings that i can't write them all here.

each brand new day is a blessing, each safe trip is a blessing, each hello and goodbye is a
blessing.

hellos and goodbyes

2008-06-11T16:16:00.000+08:00

the moments i love most in relationships are the hellos and goodbyes. each one is different. each one is unique. but the one thing that makes them so special is... i don't know it yet but if anyone can tell me what, you're welcome to comment on this post.

how to hold hands

2008-05-31T16:35:00.000+08:00

holding hands is the best feeling in the world.. well, at least for me :D

so for those who don't know how to hold hands.. here's how.

steps:

Visualize how it will feel. If you are nervous, think of how good it will feel if the other person holds back.
Take a hold of the other person's hand. While sitting, standing or walking next to that person, grasp his or her hand and lightly squeeze.
Wait for a return squeeze. If they squeeze back, most times, they enjoy your company and don't mind you holding their hand.
Use a hand-holding method. There are two approaches to hold another person's hand.
- You can either just grasp their hand and hold it (easy to achieve, but harder to stay held on longer); or
- Interlock fingers, which sometimes takes some work, but because the other person is holding on too, you can stay holding hands longer. Most times, it's better if you just start off with doing the first example until you are sure that the other person is okay with holding hands and will hold on.
If you're absolutely sure that the person you held hands with is enjoying your company, look at him or her straight in the eyes and smile subtly.

tips:

Most times, the simple grasp of the hand will do but a more "intimate" way to hold hands is the interlocking finger grasp.
With very young kids, offer them your finger for them to grasp their tiny hand around.
If you can feel your hand starting to sweat, let go of his or her hand and hold his or her other hand.
Smile a lot. Girls and guys love to see a lovely smile.
Try not to hold hands with someone you like when you are freezing, because cold hands can be a MAJOR turn-off.

warnings:

If they don't hold back, it may be very embarrassing for both you and the person you are with! Make sure they really like you!

remember. you can only do this with your significant other or a young child. no holding hands with random people and strangers for that matter. you can also hold hands with your close friends. :D

source: wikihow

what my name supposedly means...

2008-05-04T10:42:00.000+08:00

You entered: Dirk Darrel Malacon Tiu

There are 20 letters in your name.
Those 20 letters total to 92
There are 8 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Teutonic	Male	Dagger.
German	Male	Dagger.
English	Male	Variant of Derek: Gifted ruler. People ruler. Variant of the Old German Theodoric. Famous bearer: Derrick was a 17th century hangman at Tyhurn, whose name became synonymous with 'gallows' and now refers to a type of crane..
Dutch	Male	A diminutive of Derek meaning people ruler. Famous bearer: British actor Dirk Bogarde. A Dutch forms of Theodoric.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 3

An Inner Dream number of 3 means:
You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.

apparently, i'm a "people ruler" hehe

here's the link to the website: link

remind me to turn down the volume

2008-04-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

we did a soft opening for our Internet cafe.. we had 7 RF players test our units. everything went smooth. everything but one thing.. try to imagine 7 units sporting different beats at full bombastic intensity.,, not a pretty sound. hehe

the irony of life

2008-04-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

i want what i can't have
i take for granted what i've got
i can't see the value of something/someone until i lose it
i want to work when i'm not working
i want to rest when i AM working
i want others to notice me while i'm trying to be invisible
i so badly want to be loved that i dread the feeling
and when i do love, i want the feeling to end
i tend to love someone who doesn't love me
i always take for granted the ones that do love me
i can say i love you and not mean it
i can't say i love you when i do mean it
i like organized chaos

...

ORDIPS net cafe OPENING SOON!!

2008-04-25T15:11:00.000+08:00

#26 TIONKO AVE., DOOR 2 ONG BUILDING, DAVAO CITY, NEAR SANNY SWEETS AND CENTRAL BANK, ACROSS SUNBURST

tentative opening dates: april 28 and may 1

unit specs: (15)

amd x2 4600+,
palit 8500 512mb gt super,
palit 520a mobo full atx,
160gb 7200rpm hd seagate,
17" aoc flat crt,
1gb ddr2 800mhz ram

music is the answer to all of life's questions

2008-04-24T11:46:00.000+08:00

got this from kitel :D

RuLeS:
1.put ur music player on shuffle
2.press forward for each question
3.use the song title as the answer to the question even it doesnt..make sense NO ChEaTiNG!!

Questions:
1.How are You Feeling to Day?
Unwell - Matchbox Twenty (I'm sick, may ubo T_T)

2.Will U gET far in ur life?
Easier to Run - Linkin Park (malayo kc run man :p)

3.How do ur friends see u?
Tinig - Join the Club (sabihin mo sa akin, kung ayaw mong marining... pangit boses ko?)

4.Will u get married??
Tiger Lily - Matchbook Romance (a love song.. definitely yes?)

5.what is ur worst enemy's theme song
Crawling - Linkin Park (Crawling in my skin.. tumpak!)

6.What is the story of ur life
Lost and Found - Senses Fail (laging naliligaw pero nahahanap pa rin ang tamang daan.. )

7.What was highschool like
Rock and Roll Star - Oasis (drugs, chicks and money haha!)

8.How can u get ahead in life
For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic - Paramore (haha! always look on the bright side)

9.What is best thing about ur friends
Thriller - Fall Out Boy (they are never boring! :D)

10.what is today going to be like
Ender - Finch (hmmm... gabi na kc so... it's today's end?)

11.what is in store for this weekend
Marikina - Sandwich (Shoes? Food?)

12.what song describe you
My Friends - Stereophonics (friendly ako!! :D)

13.to describe ur grand parents?
Hallelujah! - Paramore (oo nga, religious cla)

14.how is ur life going?
Calling all Cars - Senses Fail (a song about death... missed the number fifteen question. hehe. it's also about letting go and moving on.. :p)

15.what song they would play on ur funeral?
By Myself - Linkin Park (lonely man kc ako lang isa sa coffin hehe)

16.how does the world see u??
Stupid for You - Marie Digby (well... hopeless romantic.)

17.will u have a happy life?
Deep inside of you - Third Eye Blind (a song about a girl and things you do with a girl hehe, i suppose i'll have a happy life.. :D)

18.what do ur friends reallly think about u?
Post Script - Finch (a song about optimism.. look on the bright side :D)

19.how can i make myself happy?
Cat Like Thief - Box Car Racer (hmmm... ano ba talaga?! cat na naman..)

20.what should u do with ur life?
Sad Song - Oasis (sing a sad song daw..)

21.will u ever have children?
Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World (hehe. dapat meron talaga! 12!!)

22.how are u feeling?
Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy (FOB songs always confuse me hehe)

23.how is ur love life?
Shrink The World - Yellow Card (we have our own little world :D)

24.what do u like to say often?
Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors - Dashboard Confessional (musta love life? hehe)

25.u and ur parents are____?
Let There Be Love - Oasis (haha. grabeh ka-accurate nito!)

26.ur ringing tone is___?
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (hmmm.. di naman)

27.You Like__?
Atrophy - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (i-search ko muna anong meaning ng Atrophy hehe)

28. you have____?
What It Is To Burn - Finch (it's a song about falling for someone)

29.you will be__?
the importance of being idle - Oasis (matutulog na kc ako)

marchin one year later

2008-03-14T15:18:00.000+08:00

happy endings really do happen. i remember it very clearly: the frustration, the anger, the confusion, the regret and most of all, the disappointment. last year's run at our senior project wasn't a walk in the park --- and yeah, it really WAS a RUN. we had to beat deadlines, do defense after defense, and just about anything to save our asses from re-enrolling that life-chaging subject and NOT graduating. i realized then that it was our fault in the first place for not starting our project early. i was a carefree, no-worries-in-the-world kind of guy. well, that's all changed. mind you, i'm still a carefree, no-worries-in-the-world kind of guy but with a little bit extra - i have God by my side now.

i remember a text that my friend sent me, "...remember a delay is not a denial from God; at his own time, He will make all things beautiful. i guess it really takes faith, not just conventional faith but genuine faith in God. We can't always have what we want when we want it. we just have to wait coz in the end, God will give us more than we could ever imagine.

a feeling i can't fight alone

2008-02-20T13:30:00.001+08:00

I miss you
It’s crazy to pretend that I don’t think of you
The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow

I miss you
Oh how much longer can I hold on to
Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too

Miss you…

black valentines

2008-02-14T00:08:00.001+08:00

i feel like every day of my life is wasted if i'm not with you. i'm missing a special part of me. believe it or not, you complete me.. in ways i do not understand but feel. every time i gazed upon my heart, i see you.. my love for you is blind.. but i don't mind walking through a dark tunnel.. as long as you are at the end and also... at the beginning.

"what does a nose and a car have in common"?

2008-02-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

i was coming home from work. the dawn just broke and the early morning sunshine bathe the streets. my eyes we're bloodshot - a proven effect of staring at a computer screen for eight hours and lack of sleep. i was cruisin along the road and then all of a sudden, a guy on a bike beeped his horn, pointed to his nose and then to my van. i was wondering what the heck the guy was up to. i thought to myself: "is this guy making fun of my nose? what a jackass!!". then i started to make the connection. it took me awhile, my brain was exhausted and it took at least 10 seconds for me to process the info. "what does a nose and a car have in common"? filipinos usually have FLAT noses.. what part of my van could be FLAT?... tires... a tire must be FLAT.. i pulled over near the sidewalk..

a love letter to myself

2007-07-31T15:24:00.000+08:00

(memories of days gone by)

"To truly love someone means that you love that person without expecting to be loved in return."

I feel the most alive when i stay true to my feelings. Whether love is in the head or in the heart doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm happy loving the person I love even though the feeling isn't reciprocated. Others may see my desperation, my anguish, my hurt... yet like a person about to die from an accident but miraculously survives.. life is so much sweeter the second time around and the same can be said with love.

She may not be the one. She may not be my soulmate. She might just be somebody who will teach me how to love - a single soul in the myriads of souls I will meet in my lifetime. Yet I am still here; I am still here now; I am still in this moment of mixed confusion and enlightenment. I want to live here still. I want to cherish the fleeting moments of stillness and of passion.

In my selfishness, I don't want to ever let go. However, life goes on as THEY say. Everybody has to move on, to keep on changing, and to grow. When the time comes that I have to let go of her... I'll let go. I'll just hold on to her till the last millisecond.. nanosecond.. till the last breath. I love her. I always have and I always will. I just can't say it to her face.

---

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

luna lovegood

2007-07-16T13:50:00.000+08:00

i just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with my mom and sis today. the movie was kinda cool with the amazing visuals and stuff. still, it kinda left me hanging on the little stuff like luna lovegood's scenes with harry and the recruitment deal goin on with the races.. prolly cause i've read the book. still, it's a movie worth watching. i especially loved the luna lovegood. i think i have a crush on her. :D isn't she cute? hehe. and her voice... oh! don't get me started on her angelic voice. i just love the way she talks.. even in real life :D

46 days in melbourne

2007-06-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

a lot has happened to me here but i'll leave that for later when i feel like telling the story.

tonight i just feel like imprinting the very warm feeling i am feeling right now into this electronic version of a diary. i don't know what this feeling is.. i can't put it in plain explanation.. it requires a more artistic (if you can call it artistic) approach and it might sound like this:

~~~~~~~

and there it was.. a fleeting feeling
intantaeneous like a flash of lightning
precious like a memory

it gave me the biggest of smiles
more than the smiles i usually bear
it was a genuine smile - of the heart

46 days was worth all the wait
all the lonely days spent
seemed like it was trivial; insignificant

a girl called me
not just any girl
she was a friend

friends are such a rarity these days
yet there she was
saying sorry over and over~

"sorry for intruding, sorry for taking your time"
she repeatedly said
she sounded so... dare i say it? so cute.

and now this feeling i'm feeling
is slowly subsiding,
crawling back into the depths of my heart

a point in time
a spur of the moment
a glimpse of existence

my life revolves on a simple dream
a dream of existing
existing with dreams

~~~~~~~~~~

this is just to remind me of that certain feeling.

Love is...

2007-05-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

I went to church today. I volunteered to help with the children's club. We had a bible quote contest. One of the kids recited this particular bible quote perfectly. I was just reminded about this particular feeling...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Moving On

2007-04-25T08:37:00.000+08:00

We've finally finished our thesis. Thank God! Now, I can move on with my life. Farewell college life and hello real life!

love and friendship

2006-12-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

a very nice poem i came across ^^ it's like the author took the words right out of my heart.

When Best Friends Love

by Ron Carnell

You entered my life like a gentle sigh,
like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.
You were a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily,
who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds,
who made me feel strangely liked and valued.
You became my friend, no longer a stranger,
trusting me with secrets hidden,
confiding what you liked and hated.
We talked and laughed and, as time passed by,
I grew more and more dependent upon your smile.

From strangers to friends was just a baby step,
a step a thousand others take every day.
Without your trust and trusting ways,
without your smiles and encouraging gaze,
I would never have taken the step beyond.
But the gentle breeze blowing through the leaves
is relentless and never ending.
We became closer friends, and closer still,
until much of my life was centered around the times
we spent together.

We traveled far along the path of friendship,
avoiding the bumps somehow, never stumbling,
always in step with one another.
You were my guide, my eyes and ears,
the unfailing light that lit the road before us.
Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder,
you brought me along our course,
to a destination I had never seen before.
You became my best friend along that journey,
the anchor in my life where none had ever been.

You did a good job of guiding our steps,
a job no other could ever do,
and it wasn't your fault, really, when I stumbled.
Somewhere along our path,
perhaps where the heights were making me dizzy with joy,
I simply lost my balance and fell.
By the grace of God, I fell not to either side, nor to the rear,
but fell instead forward, along the path we'd tread.
My plunge forward was unguided, and my steps were steps you never intended.
I fell in love with you.

From strangers, to friends, to close friends, to best friends.
And beyond.
I've never been sorry for any step we've taken together,
no, not even for the fall I took alone.
I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been.
I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful.
I thought I had known love and all that love can bring.
But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
carries the smell of wild flowers and still wilder beasts,
and what you brought into my life can never be assessed.

We are so very different, you and I. And yet so much the same.
And our differences merge with our similarities,
giving rise to something special and unique.
We talk.
Of all the things I value about this thing that is us,
and there are so many I often lose count,
I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where.
And each time I listen to you, each time I ponder what you've said,
I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world.
I've learned to trust in your instincts.

I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you.
I never would have believed the breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
could be so filled with life.
I treasure that spark of spirit in you,
that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do.
It's easy to see how much you love life,
even when life is sometimes less than lovable,
and that love is always mirrored in your eyes and smile.
You are never more beautiful than when that spark ignites
and your vitality blazes in your happy face.

And, yes, I love your beauty, shallow as that may sound.
I love the way your eyes change from blue to blue-green,
the way the morning sun catches afire in your hair,
the way your nostrils move when you breathe deep breaths,
the way your tongue slips out of its safe harbor when you think deep thoughts.
I love the curve of your cheek,
that soft milky canvas for the faint scar you won't talk about.
I love your tiny eyelashes, the small gaps in your teeth,
the way your earlobes hang lower than mine.
Your beauty truly takes my breath away.

I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted,
but always just enough.
That trust started as a small seed, I think,
a tentative whisper of unearned confidence,
often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety.
I could always tell when you faltered,
when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned.
And yet still you trusted me,
with your secrets, with your feelings, with yourself.
You'll never know how much that trust has meant to me.

I love the way you understand me too well.
It's uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods,
frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked.
You know so much of me, secrets I've never told,
thoughts I've never shared, parts of me I've never seen myself.
You've discovered a window into my being,
a window I didn't know was there,
a window no one else has ever found.
It's almost as if our two souls have merged into one,
almost as if the hand of God has repaired that which once was broken.

I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things,
or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all.
We shop and walk, eat and talk,
playing games apart and united.
We study and drill, work and play,
listening to music and singing the words together.
We have fun with each other,
frolicking in our shared pleasures,
you enjoying the thrill of life,
me just enjoying you.

I'm not blinded by my love, though, and know you are not perfect.
You are impatient and easy to anger,
too intolerant when you should tolerate,
too forgiving when you shouldn't forgive.
You allow the stresses of life to mold your day,
allow the commitments of life to shape your way.
I know your imperfections as well as your perfections,
know your faults as well as your assets.
And I find I love you not in spite of those,
but as much because of them as anything else.

Your life has touched mine.
My friendship with you, my love for you,
all that you are and aren't,
have changed my life in ways you cannot fathom,
in ways I could never describe in depth.
The gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
has worked her wondrous magic,
transforming the one she touched.
I'm not the same man I was a year ago.
I will never be that man again.

The communication we've shared has taught me to value our honest openness,
and I know I'll never be satisfied again with less.
Your trust in me has taught me to trust in you,
knowing you will never intentionally cause me pain.
Your spark of vitality has transformed the way I see life,
giving me reason again to live and cause to celebrate.
Your beauty, both inner and outer, has renewed the wonder
with which I see the world, and has restored my sense of awe.
Even the fun we share, that senseless sense of joy,
has changed the way I live and think.

As much as you've altered my present, though,
the effect you've had on my future is just as great.
I once thought I knew what love meant to me,
once thought I had experienced all that life had to offer.
I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew,
and I believed I could never love again,
could never willingly face the pain of caring.
Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love,
was just a lie told by poets.
But I was wrong.

In learning to love you, I discovered I've never loved before.
Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally.
I've spent much of my life in love with love,
searching for the fulfillment of a concept,
caring more for caring than caring for another person.
I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection.
And when those feelings waned, when the relationships died,
I wondered why I felt so empty. So hurt.
You changed that, as you've changed so much else.
You taught me how to love.

I wish you knew the me of before,
as you know so well the me of today,
so you could see the difference knowing you has made.
You've changed my life in so many ways,
in ways small and ways important,
in ways you'll never know nor understand.
The impact you've had on me,
on the way I feel and think and act,
will endure forever. Until the end of time.
Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.

i'm not tired of loving you at all

2006-09-25T08:46:00.000+08:00

i've just realized that even if you're makulit, sadista, masungit, madaling magalit, moody, pakialamera, mapride AT manhid... i don't want you to change.. dahil sa ayaw mo man o gusto.. mamahalin pa rin kita.. i always have and i always will.

it hurts to love you the way i do. then look at you and realize how that hurt makes me feel so alive. i loved you expecting to be loved in return. i was so selfish then. i've realized that. i know now that loving someone isn't about getting it all back, it's about giving yourself fully to that person and never expecting anything in return.

i am someone who can always be there for you even if you aren't even there for me. i can be a replacement for your boyfriend ^^ i'm glad i pretended to get angry at you for no reason at all. it gave me time to think. i wanted things to happen that weren't supposed to happen. i was still so immature. i needed to distance myself from you.

i missed you so much.. so very much. all you ever did to me was keep me alive. hello. i still care about you.

2006-09-25T08:39:00.001+08:00

quote from some tagalog movie:"Loving someone is the greatest mystery in life and how much love you can give is the greatest discovery you can have of yourself."

forward to the future!

2006-07-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking a lot lately.. mostly about what's going to happen to me in the near future. i'm revolving around one thing.. graduation. Graduation is a moment that is often looked forward to by most students. However, it is not the case for me. Although I have my share of doubts and frustrations in school, I can cleary see myself graduating given the best of circumstances and my doing good in school. BUT>>> i also dread the day i cut up my roots, grow wings and fly. It's not exactly DREAD dread, it's more like how a baby might feel when he takes his first step - i know it has to happen but i still don't want it to happen. OKAY. I must admit that I'm afraid of growing up, having responsibilities and stuff like that. I've always been carefree, childish and irresponsible. Facing the challenge of the world is a bit too much for the ME right now. But, I'm going to do my best to be the man I'm supposed to be. I think that when I think about these things, I'm slowly growing up and getting ready for what life will throw at me. Goodluck to me!

a promise

2006-07-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Now you are my beloved ghost
And here i’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me

This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take

The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me

This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take
And i’ll be
The kiss
The gun
We’ll be draining their blood again

Embrace the rest of me
Well be racing through the night
Again, embrace the rest of me
And then we’ll feast on them, celebrating

I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me

I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see

Denied another day
Life took you away
I’ll love you just the same

Cause you are my beloved ghost
And here i’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me
The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me

I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me
I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see

2006-06-12T06:14:00.000+08:00

love is a hidden fire,
a pleasant sore,
a soothing pain,
an agreeable torment,
a sweet wound,
in short - a gentle death!

so long sweet summer

2006-05-21T13:57:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i've written stuff here. lesse..

my summer classes just ended yesterday. i can finally kick back and relax now that our summer projects are done or... semi-done. there's still that pesky defence on may 30. still, summer's ending and i haven't done anything worthwhile.

i definitely want to go the beach. maybe just once before the regular classes start. i can see it now - warm summer sun spreading its rays on the horizon, crystal clear waters, beautiful babes... sigh.

anyways, my love life gone from worst to bad. back when i was YOUNG (that's in highschool) i was sort of a flirt (i still am). i wasn't aware of that then. i just realized it sometime ago. i enjoyed the company of lotsa girls. i had a crush on almost all of the girls in my barkada. maybe it was the excitement of getting to know them that blinded me. it probably wasn't attraction. it was more like interest. this is how i am. i love girls.

i've fallen in love with only two girls in my life. one was in highschool and one was in college. my first love was an achiever. she was very intelligent, witty, cute and loved by all. we were seatmates in second year. we talked a lot, texted a lot and saw each other a lot. i fell for her eventually and the rest is history. fast forward to 2 years later. she suddenly changed after our last summer of highschool. she suddenly turned a cold shoulder towards me. i didn't know why. i found out later after i wrote her a letter saying how much i loved her that she loved somebody else. She loved him even before she knew me. i felt really bad that day. The world was unfair. I chose to move on after crying a bucket of tears.

I talk to myself a lot when im depressed. I pretend that im talking to someone who accepts everything i have to say whether its wrong or right. its my way of dealing with things - anger, hate, love, stuff.. so i talked and talked until the pain in my heart subsided. i tried to rationalize everything that had happened. i tried to figure out what i had done wrong or what i hadn't done at all. in the end, i couldn't find the answers. i tried to fool myself by thinking that i shouldn't love her, i didn't need to love her.. that i didn't love her... but to whoever said that love is all in the mind - you were definitely wrong. my heart ached like it was shattered into a million pieces.

and then we graduated. we went to college at the same university. we were friends again. now, just friends... close but not too close.

and then history repeats itself. you know the rest.

my love life's gone from worst to bad. it's gotten better. my heart has setted but i think i can't possibly fall in love anymore. i think im doomed to walk this world alone. it's better to love that not to have loved at all.. yeah. i think so too. in love, the reward is better than the risk.. but when you go through all the risk and all you get is a punishment in the end.. love isn't that tempting anymore.. somebody please save me...

i never wanted it to end

2006-04-22T22:28:00.001+08:00

i finally finished Kingdom Hearts II!!! it was such a great game; it's got a wonderful story, a lovable cast of disney and squaresoft characters, and just loads of fun to play. however, finishing it made me realize that my great and awesome journey through the different worlds of the game was over. sigh. now i gotta find me a new game. i'm excited about Kingdom Hearts III though. i wonder what it will be like... hehe. just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

hey JAMMIN JANA!

2006-03-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

hey thanks for dropping by. it's not really that AMAZING. haha! but thanks anyways. you can embed music in your blog by adding this to your template script (embed src="site/music" loop="true" autoplay="true" volume="80" hidden="true")
for example:
mine goes like this

(embed src="http://www.gamerlounge.com/midi/playstation2/kingdom-hearts/always-on-my-mind.mid" loop="true" autoplay="true" volume="80" hidden="true") replace () with <>

you can find such music on the net by going to webcrawler.com. i suggest you use music that are .mid format cause they are smaller compared to mp3 and wav. .mid formats have no vocals though.

looking forward to hearing from you soon!

update

2006-03-07T10:42:00.000+08:00

background music: always on my mind from my favorite Kingdom Hearts

where art thou summer?

2006-03-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

Lately I have been holed up in my room and doing nothing. I have my own world, apart from the chaotic reality that is the outside. I am quite busy with schoolwork these few weeks. I think I am about to have a major burnout. I am so tired from all the thinking. The hot summer never looked so welcoming. I look forward to going to the beach, chilling out with my friends and just having fun. However, schoolwork is a pain in the ass. I guess I just have to suck it in and tread through the stretching trail of burning sand.

soooooper lazy

2006-02-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

tapos na ang prelims.. and so ends midterm... finals na naman. to tell the truth.. i'm pretty tired of school, of doing the same old things everyday, and of friends who never seem to change for the better. i never really enjoyed our numerous parties, outings and gimiks.. strange really. i'd rather be spending time alone. and when i'm alone.. all i need do is play around and more or less do nothing to merit any praise. i feel like being lazy always. i don't feel like studying. i'm always late or absent for my first class. what the heck is happening to me?! i guess i have no more inspiration.. nothing to keep me alive and well.. nothing to look forward to. i don't feel like planning for my future. time is going too fast. everyday is like a blur of noise, lights and people. how i wish i could stop time and linger in every moment that is precious. i miss the feeling of being warm, of being cared for, of being alive..

something from a friend

2006-02-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute.

bliss

2006-01-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

sabi pa ni alain bliss is happiness.. (correct me if i am wrong lain). naisip ko lang un kasi right this moment.. i'm in bliss. atik lang. haha. wala lang malagay sa blog and it's needs updating man. so.. end.

another thought about love

2006-01-09T22:42:00.000+08:00

To love someone is to isolate one from the world, wipe out every trace of her, dispossess her of her shadow, drag her into a murderous future. It is to circle around the other like a dead star and absorb her into a black light.

Jean Baudrillard

music to my ears

2006-01-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

(it's been a while since i posted a new entry here.. let's see..)

let me just share this with you. i usually don't have the writer's appetite. that is why i have a tendency to forgo my scheduled blogging sessions. however, when i listen to the embedded music here(flowers blooming in the church from Final Fantasy VII) the magic begins.

new year has come and gone.. people made their resolutions and now try to follow them.. i for one did not.. i didn't feel the need. perhaps, i've already changed maybe for the better or maybe for the worse. i wouldn't know. but i'd like to believe that it's for the better.

i've learned a lot last year. i'd like to mention a few. i've learned that indeed honesty is the best policy. it is true academically as it is emotionally. i wasn't honest to myself back then which means i feel like i am now. i don't feel the need to meet others' expectations of me now. i consider myself captain to my ship. i won't let anybody dictate the life i should live. i've also learned that with joy there is sadness, with life there is death and with love there is hurt. i guess i knew that as far as i could remember however i merely "knew" and did not "experience".

i regret a LOT of things i have done. i admit i have been my worst last year. i did some things i thought i wouldn't do especially to a person whom i love. love makes people do crazy things as they say. if i were to meet "the me last year", i would kick the crap out of him. well, life's like that. the best way to live life is to simply live it with all its highs and lows. but last year didn't only bring me regrets. it also gave me the best memories of my life-memories that i could cherish for the rest of my life. although they keep haunting me to this day and making me regret the things i've done, it's only when i remember those memories that i feel that i was truly alive.

eventually this year will become the old year and the vicious cycle will continue. but as i set sail on this section of my life, the year 2006, i light up the lantern aboard my humble ship - the hope that this year will bring me more memories to cherish, more people to appreciate and love and more experiences to experience. a happy new year to you all! ^-^

(tinatamad akong magproofread. pasensya na sa grammatical and spelling errors)

a respite from the past

2005-12-11T15:17:00.000+08:00

i dwell in present yet i always find myself looking back on the past. "why?" memories keep flashing before my eyes.. it's true what they say that memories are the hardest things to erase. regret.. this i most fear. but alas! i cannot escape its chains. it binds me everyday, every passing second. "no!" my heart aches. no longer do i feel hurt. now i feel only emptiness. they say it's easier to forget when you let go and move on. "i can't move on.. i still haven't let go." my heart still belongs to her though she may not think it anymore. "sigh" i am doomed to walk this barren wasteland of sorrow. i am not desperate. i am just heartbroken.. broken.. i think beyond repair. "somebody save me" i needed a rest from the past. i had. now it's ending. "farewell!" my heart sinks deeper into the cold abyss. "save me" ...

the trick to immortality

2005-11-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

"when it comes down to it.. none of us are gonna be around forever.. now we can't dwell on that.. i think the trick is to live your life to its fullest.. make sure you spend as much time as you possibly can with the people you love.." - jonathan kent

sunshower

2005-11-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

a sunshower -> "rain while the sun shines".

metaphorically speaking, i had one today. unexpected happenings (which in one way or another involves me) were quite abundant these past few days. it got me wondering whether it be the work of a higher being or just simple coincidences. i guess it was the former.. coincidences just can't be this frequent and accurate. i had my fears and preconceptions about what was going to happen in case those unexpected happenings were to happen but once those things happened, i lost them in a sea of bliss. i was happy for the first time in quite some time. it rained.. and even if it was rain.. it was beautiful.. glowing in the rays of the sun. however, as do all things.. happiness has an end.. the rain poured slower and slower until it vanished in the blanket of reality.

entry 1 of 2. tom na lang ang sunod. study pa ako for SAD. over and out.

an ode to the darkness

2005-11-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

i'm not sure if "ode" is an appropriate title for this post but if it means farewell then it is. farewell to the darkness - the darkness that binds my heart. in effect, no more dark colors. notice the new page design. ^^ i don't have much to write. except maybe about the weather. it's pretty hot for november. and my airconditioner is broken. sigh. i'm sweating like a sponge being squeezed tight. december's just around and i'm kinda looking forward to it. cool weather and all. and at Christmas, just about anything can happen. over and out.

the guy under the tree

2005-11-11T02:15:00.000+08:00

as i sit on the bench
my eyes stare blankly ahead
at sights blurred and dishreveled
chaotic yet potentially beautiful

i hear the sound of leaves
whispering endlessly in the breeze
giving life to a lonely tree
that stands proud beside me

the day seems dimmer every passing second
clouds make their way
through an ocean of uneasyness
of freedom and blue

cold wind pierces my body
as night feeds from the light
darkness is disturbed
by unwelcome flashes of memories

rushing feelings of love and friendship
bundled into a lifetime of happiness
struggled its way through sadness
fleeing, dispersing, surging

my sembreak so far

2005-10-31T12:47:00.000+08:00

i've been busy. hehe. hmm let's see. last last week was the start of my sembreak. we [draftbeer group] finally got our PM project working at our third defense. thank GOd! all there was left to do was to train the staff who would be using our system. piece o' cake! that won't be till the start of the second semester so i've got no more worries for the rest of the break.

my birthday was coming up. october 24 - the day the world was graced by my existence. hehe. i invited some of my highschool buds from Ateneo HS namely lesley, aimee, marc, brian, kenshia, trina, tricia, BJ, and iza. and also my IT3 family along with some special guests namely peter and thyron. it was a fun night. we had a hefty dinner and we hung around the house till late. but the most memorable experience about that night was... uhh.. nothing! memory failed me after drinking a couple of emperador-filled glasses. it's all hazy and boy was it a loooooooong night! i was vomitting all over the house and when morning came, a huge hangover pounded my head. i slept the whole day. hehe. i am never gonna drink again that's for sure.

i got me a new phone. see? it's a sony ericsson s700i. cost me 10500 bucks. my grandma helped me pay for the rest. if u ask me, it's worth it. i've always wanted to have one of those hi-tech phones. and now i got one.

sembreak's end is fast approaching.. it's already oct 31. 1 more week to go minus the days i'm gonna be spending enrolling. i'm both happy and sad to be going to school. happy that i'm going to be seeing my friends again. sad cause.. i'm going to see my friends again. school life's gonna be much harder i guess.. i just gotta try harder! as Rock Lee shouts: enjoy the springtime of youth!!! hehe. over and out.

catching up

2005-10-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

i've been really busy with stuff the past few days. It was mostly for our project. Sad to say, we're going on our third defense.. sigh. I hope this is the last one. on the bright side... my mom finally bought a "magic sing". no more worries!!!^^ plus i've got my sem break covered.. i'm gonna go to the gym with my highskul buds everyday.. that should keep me busy til enrollment.. sigh.. i find myself hating going to school.. i've got nothing to look forward to anymore.. i never thought i'd miss her.. well, that's life. over and out.

nothing to do

2005-10-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

i've got exams tomorrow and i'm too lazy to study for them. come what may i guess. today, we got screwed at our project defense and our frustrated programming head cried out in... frustration. ^^ more work for us for another seven days. sigh. next wednesday's D Day. do or die. hehe. well on the brightside.. i'm a bit happy.. just for the littlest of reasons. ^^ i won't go in to the details coz there aren't any. ^^ i'm looking forward to finishing our project so i can enjoy our long-awaited break. wish me luck on the exams. three more to go!!! over and out. ^^

i'm not a poet

2005-10-09T12:27:00.000+08:00

after the anger has susbided
the only feeling left is emptiness
hatred is just a spectator
to what love can do

all i need is space
to listen to myself
the hurts and the pains
of loving you

please understand
why i need this
i hurt myself
so you can't

there's no doubt
you're still my friend
friendship makes room for love
this time love makes room for friendship

when words are whispered
when feelings are shared
between you and me
only time will tell

...

2005-10-07T09:51:00.000+08:00

i guess or rather i know that it's better this way..

rest for the weary

2005-10-02T21:35:00.000+08:00

today's sunday. yeah!!! no classes! no teachers! no nothing! just glad i finally got time for myself. tomorrow's going to be the start of hell week. we've got our program to finish plus the documents to compile. sigh. party talaga after!!!

euphoria

2005-09-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

isn't it funny how everything turns out ok even under the worst circumstances? or how you want to do something so badly but can't because you're too afraid that something unpleasant might happen yet time always gives you an opportunity to do so minus the hebbie-gebbies? yeah it's quite funny. yesterday was one of those days where nothing could go wrong.. i'm talking about tuesday.. just to clarify coz by the time i finish this post it would already be thursday and that means yesterday would be wednesday.. anyhoo.. euphoria was the word. for those who are new to the word.. it means: An exaggerated feeling of emotional and physical well being, out of proportion to circumstances. or to put simply.. extreme happiness. it's been a long time.. hehe. and now i'm keeping myself busy with a new ps2 game. radiata stories. i love the female protagonist. ridley. sounds like a dood's name doesn't it? well, it's not. picture V-

and i

2005-09-13T19:52:00.000+08:00

"And I"

i am lost in the crowd
i'm standing in line
i'm feeling so down
and i am full of doubt
she's not the one take notice
hear me out

and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through

i'm tired
this games so dumb
she never played, her race's won
i'm tired
can't smile no more
i've sure caved in just like before

and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through

i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and i want her, need her
and i want her, need her
and i, and i, and i

tortured

2005-09-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

i watched "A time to love" last night.. somewhere in the movie i heard the line "the one who tortures (probably hurts) you the most is the one you love..." i find myself thinking.. it's really hard to let her go.. it's like i'm missing something when i'm not with her.. it's painful when we're apart.. it's also painful when we're together.. perhaps... even more.. what am i to do? i have to move on somehow.. *sigh*

all random

2005-09-10T09:43:00.000+08:00

i find it really hard to express my feelings for someone i like... my head is telling me to stop... but i find myself liking her even more.. maya na lang ako magdrama oi.. magDOTA pa kmi nila thy. haha.

realization

2005-08-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

i've realized something... i need to study!!!

i'm okay ( i promise )

2005-08-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

why the spark? even i don't know exactly why. it took me some time to ponder the possible answers and i've come up with these:

(1)i wanted some excitement in my life.

my life has become so monotonous i didn't even realize it since yesterday. i wanted something new.. something to get excited about.. and that's just it..

(2)it's one of the things that i've always wanted to do

ever since i was a kid i've always looked up to kids ( bata na lalake ) who had earrings.. i thought they were really brave or something ( i thought that it really hurt haha )

(3)i wanted to look cool ^_^

self-explanatory o.O lol

(4)had a fight with my mom.. sort of a rebellion >:)

i've been planning this for a long time.. never got the time.. timing lang na nagaway kami ni mama.. so un.. don't really wanna talk about it though

(5)i wanted someone to hate me

i figured she would really hate what i've done.. i wanted her to hate me so it would be easier to stop loving her... (wag na mangulit kung sino)

i think that about sums up the reasons.. and to clear things up.. it's not because i was or am depressed or drunk.. you don't need to be either of those do to stupid things.. haha.

wuts new?

2005-08-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

got my ear pierced today... my left ear.. it didn't hurt at all. i think it's kinda cool. ^-^

you and me

2005-08-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

you and me

we were never lovers

only the best of friends

we were a strange couple

only because we're both weird

we were always having fun

only because we had each other

we were youthful and innocent

only because we wanted ourselves to be

we were there for each other

only because there was only us

we were friends

only this time around

we're something more...

by request hehe

2005-08-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

3 names you go by:
1. dirk
2. dirky
3. oji, mr.pres

3 screen names you have had:
1. dirk_val
2. dirkval
3. vincent

3 physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes - singkit!
2. smile - laki!
3. skin - fair!

3 physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. belly - mataba haha!
2. arms - too hairy!
3. height - short!

3 things that scare you:
1. imaginary monsters
2. gay guys who like to touch
3. death

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. internet
2. iPod
3. wallet

3 of your favorite musical artists:
1. Hale
2. 1000 Foot Krutch
3. The All-American Rejects

3 of your favorites:
1. broken sonnet - hale
2. this is a call - 1000 foot krutch
3. dirty little secret - the all-american rejects

3 things you want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Sincerity
3. Respect

3 lies and truths in no particular order:

Lies:
1. boys were made so girls can flirt
2. love is all that matters
3. love is blind

Truths:
1. if you truly believe.. it will definitely happen
2. girls were made so guys can flirt
3. love works in mysterious ways

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. height

3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. watching anime
2. sound trippin'
3. reading books

3 things you want to do really badly now:
1. eat
2. take a bath
3. get a hug from someone

3 careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. businessman
2. anything in my field (Information Tech)
3. ---

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Japan
2. Boracay ( this time w/ my friends )
3. Singapore

3 kid's names you like:
1. Vincent
2. Clarissa
3. Adrian

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. have a family with lots of kids
2. trip around the world din
3. leave a legacy

3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. i eat a lot hehe
2. i like computer games
3. i keep very many secrets

3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. OC ako
2. perfume anyone?
3. i'm a flirt

3 celeb crushes:
1. Liv Tyler
2. Hilarie Burton
3. Kate Hudson

3 people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. meann
2. kat-chan
3. benjie

same old brand new me? i think not.

2005-08-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

i think it's been three days since i've had nights of uninterrupted sleep. it feels really refreshing waking up in the morning minus the bloodshot eyes which i usually wake up with given my insomniac lifestyle. probably i'm not an insomniac anymore - not by choice anyway. i hope this lasts.

new song

2005-08-09T01:53:00.000+08:00

telepono by sugarfree.. pahiram sa ben ha.

nice things to think about

2005-08-09T01:34:00.000+08:00

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
If you keep your heart open it surely will come again.

Do I love you because you're beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you? -- Oscar Hammerstein

blog thingies

2005-07-31T02:02:00.000+08:00

i finally managed to update my blog on the current features of today's blogs namely: tagboard, links to friends, etc. btw, if you have your speakers on, the song playing is stay by cueshe. it's a really nice song. you should listen to it. fin~

the old feeling called "missing you"

2005-07-28T01:19:00.000+08:00

The worst way to miss a girl is to miss her when she’s sitting right next to you. i just miss her that's all. *sigh* : (

i got lost today

2005-07-23T02:39:00.000+08:00

I just joined the CS Division Forums today err.. I meant yesterday. Sabi pa nga ni Thyron: "nasaag lagi ka dirk? hehe" I got lost hehe. It's really fun talking about stuff and having people respond. It's already 3am and I'm still posting stuff. I want to level up soon!!!

long time no write

2005-07-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

it's been a while. i'm currently listening to black lab - see the sun. it's a really nice song. you should listen to it. i just got my net connection fixed hence the usual seldom visit here. i've been wanting to decorate this page but i find it hard to find the time and to be honest i'm just plain lazy. lately, i've been feeling really good. i don't know exactly why. it might be because i did some "unusual" things the past week. e.g. picking a fight during a dota game, saying some nice things to a certain someone, being honest about how i feel for a change, sleeping early! (insomia-free!), studying! (lolz) - all natural highs for me. anyways, this is it for now. kat gave me these cool naruto pics kaninang morning. even got one with a super pretty sakura in it. ^-^

insomniac by choice

2005-06-26T01:25:00.000+08:00

i dread the moment when i'm about to sleep (laying on my bed with my eyes focused on the ceiling). by then i get to think about the things that i don't want to think about. like how lonely i get at night( which i think will probably be forever). and then my heart starts to feel that dreadful feeling.. hurt. i just keep myself busy until i finally am too sleepy to do anything else so that when i climb up to my bed i'd go right to sleep.

i'm confused, torn, sad, insecure, angry, lonely and i feel like crying all the time. am i pathetic or what? i think so. i'm gonna sleep now... and hope to dream beautiful dreams..

the old days

2005-06-12T12:31:00.000+08:00

i went out with my highschool friends last night namely lesley, gelai, kookey and some of their classmates. Occassion: Gelai's bellydancing recital at MTS. Whoever said that bellydancing was an art to seduce men was definitely right. After the girl's usual ranting about their boyfriends and all, we went to eat at Penongs! Unfortunately for my stomach, the place was packed with people so we decided to eat at Flyover Ihaw2x na lang. Then again, the place was packed with people too! So we ate at the nearest restaurant.. Chowking! Funny things happened. Some "manyakis" kept peering through the window and ogling at my not-so-conservative friends. Gelai was kinda drunk or she hoped she was. Long story. Lesley and Kookey were practically scared. haha. After that, I went home. The End.

sleepy

2005-06-11T09:21:00.000+08:00

woke up pretty early today. 8am! really. i'm getting pretty addicted to this blogging thing. how do people get to read other people's blogs anyway? it's not that I want people to read this anyway.

sleepless

2005-06-11T03:29:00.000+08:00

can't sleep.. my insomia's acting up again.. decided to bore myself to sleep. wish me luck!

wake-up call

2005-06-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

i thought i'd do something that's worth my time instead of just playing computer games. so.. this is my first time blogging. let's see.. well.. i woke up 2pm kanina.. (it's summer and all) After eating a very heavy brunch + early dinner i decided to sit on my hardly comfy coffee chair and proceeded to waste my day by playing "Atelier Iris - Eternal Mana" - an adventure game on the PS2. Good thing my mom called me or I would've stayed in my room all afternoon. Anyways, I became the temp driver cause the regular driver had something to do. Fastforward to McDonald's... i ate food.. (what else is there to do?Ü) blah blah blah. And.. here I am.. finishing up my first post. wow. I actually did something worthwhile! anyways, i gonna customize my blogpage now. later.