remind me to turn down the volume

we did a soft opening for our Internet cafe.. we had 7 RF players test our units. everything went smooth. everything but one thing.. try to imagine 7 units sporting different beats at full bombastic intensity.,, not a pretty sound. hehe

the irony of life

i want what i can't have
i take for granted what i've got
i can't see the value of something/someone until i lose it
i want to work when i'm not working
i want to rest when i AM working
i want others to notice me while i'm trying to be invisible
i so badly want to be loved that i dread the feeling
and when i do love, i want the feeling to end
i tend to love someone who doesn't love me
i always take for granted the ones that do love me
i can say i love you and not mean it
i can't say i love you when i do mean it
i like organized chaos

...

ORDIPS net cafe OPENING SOON!!

#26 TIONKO AVE., DOOR 2 ONG BUILDING, DAVAO CITY, NEAR SANNY SWEETS AND CENTRAL BANK, ACROSS SUNBURST

tentative opening dates: april 28 and may 1

unit specs: (15)

amd x2 4600+,
palit 8500 512mb gt super,
palit 520a mobo full atx,
160gb 7200rpm hd seagate,
17" aoc flat crt,
1gb ddr2 800mhz ram

music is the answer to all of life's questions

got this from kitel :D

RuLeS:
1.put ur music player on shuffle
2.press forward for each question
3.use the song title as the answer to the question even it doesnt..make sense NO ChEaTiNG!!

Questions:
1.How are You Feeling to Day?
Unwell - Matchbox Twenty (I'm sick, may ubo T_T)

2.Will U gET far in ur life?
Easier to Run - Linkin Park (malayo kc run man :p)

3.How do ur friends see u?
Tinig - Join the Club (sabihin mo sa akin, kung ayaw mong marining... pangit boses ko?)

4.Will u get married??
Tiger Lily - Matchbook Romance (a love song.. definitely yes?)

5.what is ur worst enemy's theme song
Crawling - Linkin Park (Crawling in my skin.. tumpak!)

6.What is the story of ur life
Lost and Found - Senses Fail (laging naliligaw pero nahahanap pa rin ang tamang daan.. )

7.What was highschool like
Rock and Roll Star - Oasis (drugs, chicks and money haha!)

8.How can u get ahead in life
For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic - Paramore (haha! always look on the bright side)

9.What is best thing about ur friends
Thriller - Fall Out Boy (they are never boring! :D)

10.what is today going to be like
Ender - Finch (hmmm... gabi na kc so... it's today's end?)

11.what is in store for this weekend
Marikina - Sandwich (Shoes? Food?)

12.what song describe you
My Friends - Stereophonics (friendly ako!! :D)

13.to describe ur grand parents?
Hallelujah! - Paramore (oo nga, religious cla)

14.how is ur life going?
Calling all Cars - Senses Fail (a song about death... missed the number fifteen question. hehe. it's also about letting go and moving on.. :p)

15.what song they would play on ur funeral?
By Myself - Linkin Park (lonely man kc ako lang isa sa coffin hehe)

16.how does the world see u??
Stupid for You - Marie Digby (well... hopeless romantic.)

17.will u have a happy life?
Deep inside of you - Third Eye Blind (a song about a girl and things you do with a girl hehe, i suppose i'll have a happy life.. :D)

18.what do ur friends reallly think about u?
Post Script - Finch (a song about optimism.. look on the bright side :D)

19.how can i make myself happy?
Cat Like Thief - Box Car Racer (hmmm... ano ba talaga?! cat na naman..)

20.what should u do with ur life?
Sad Song - Oasis (sing a sad song daw..)

21.will u ever have children?
Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World (hehe. dapat meron talaga! 12!!)

22.how are u feeling?
Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy (FOB songs always confuse me hehe)

23.how is ur love life?
Shrink The World - Yellow Card (we have our own little world :D)

24.what do u like to say often?
Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors - Dashboard Confessional (musta love life? hehe)

25.u and ur parents are____?
Let There Be Love - Oasis (haha. grabeh ka-accurate nito!)

26.ur ringing tone is___?
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (hmmm.. di naman)

27.You Like__?
Atrophy - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (i-search ko muna anong meaning ng Atrophy hehe)

28. you have____?
What It Is To Burn - Finch (it's a song about falling for someone)

29.you will be__?
the importance of being idle - Oasis (matutulog na kc ako)

marchin one year later

happy endings really do happen. i remember it very clearly: the frustration, the anger, the confusion, the regret and most of all, the disappointment. last year's run at our senior project wasn't a walk in the park --- and yeah, it really WAS a RUN. we had to beat deadlines, do defense after defense, and just about anything to save our asses from re-enrolling that life-chaging subject and NOT graduating. i realized then that it was our fault in the first place for not starting our project early. i was a carefree, no-worries-in-the-world kind of guy. well, that's all changed. mind you, i'm still a carefree, no-worries-in-the-world kind of guy but with a little bit extra - i have God by my side now.

i remember a text that my friend sent me, "...remember a delay is not a denial from God; at his own time, He will make all things beautiful. i guess it really takes faith, not just conventional faith but genuine faith in God. We can't always have what we want when we want it. we just have to wait coz in the end, God will give us more than we could ever imagine.

a feeling i can't fight alone

I miss you
It’s crazy to pretend that I don’t think of you
The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow

I miss you
Oh how much longer can I hold on to
Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too

Miss you…

black valentines

i feel like every day of my life is wasted if i'm not with you. i'm missing a special part of me. believe it or not, you complete me.. in ways i do not understand but feel. every time i gazed upon my heart, i see you.. my love for you is blind.. but i don't mind walking through a dark tunnel.. as long as you are at the end and also... at the beginning.

"what does a nose and a car have in common"?

i was coming home from work. the dawn just broke and the early morning sunshine bathe the streets. my eyes we're bloodshot - a proven effect of staring at a computer screen for eight hours and lack of sleep. i was cruisin along the road and then all of a sudden, a guy on a bike beeped his horn, pointed to his nose and then to my van. i was wondering what the heck the guy was up to. i thought to myself: "is this guy making fun of my nose? what a jackass!!". then i started to make the connection. it took me awhile, my brain was exhausted and it took at least 10 seconds for me to process the info. "what does a nose and a car have in common"? filipinos usually have FLAT noses.. what part of my van could be FLAT?... tires... a tire must be FLAT.. i pulled over near the sidewalk..

a love letter to myself

(memories of days gone by)

"To truly love someone means that you love that person without expecting to be loved in return."

I feel the most alive when i stay true to my feelings. Whether love is in the head or in the heart doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm happy loving the person I love even though the feeling isn't reciprocated. Others may see my desperation, my anguish, my hurt... yet like a person about to die from an accident but miraculously survives.. life is so much sweeter the second time around and the same can be said with love.

She may not be the one. She may not be my soulmate. She might just be somebody who will teach me how to love - a single soul in the myriads of souls I will meet in my lifetime. Yet I am still here; I am still here now; I am still in this moment of mixed confusion and enlightenment. I want to live here still. I want to cherish the fleeting moments of stillness and of passion.

In my selfishness, I don't want to ever let go. However, life goes on as THEY say. Everybody has to move on, to keep on changing, and to grow. When the time comes that I have to let go of her... I'll let go. I'll just hold on to her till the last millisecond.. nanosecond.. till the last breath. I love her. I always have and I always will. I just can't say it to her face.

---

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

luna lovegood

i just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with my mom and sis today. the movie was kinda cool with the amazing visuals and stuff. still, it kinda left me hanging on the little stuff like luna lovegood's scenes with harry and the recruitment deal goin on with the races.. prolly cause i've read the book. still, it's a movie worth watching. i especially loved the luna lovegood. i think i have a crush on her. :D isn't she cute? hehe. and her voice... oh! don't get me started on her angelic voice. i just love the way she talks.. even in real life :D

46 days in melbourne

a lot has happened to me here but i'll leave that for later when i feel like telling the story.

tonight i just feel like imprinting the very warm feeling i am feeling right now into this electronic version of a diary. i don't know what this feeling is.. i can't put it in plain explanation.. it requires a more artistic (if you can call it artistic) approach and it might sound like this:

~~~~~~~

and there it was.. a fleeting feeling
intantaeneous like a flash of lightning
precious like a memory

it gave me the biggest of smiles
more than the smiles i usually bear
it was a genuine smile - of the heart

46 days was worth all the wait
all the lonely days spent
seemed like it was trivial; insignificant

a girl called me
not just any girl
she was a friend

friends are such a rarity these days
yet there she was
saying sorry over and over~

"sorry for intruding, sorry for taking your time"
she repeatedly said
she sounded so... dare i say it? so cute.

and now this feeling i'm feeling
is slowly subsiding,
crawling back into the depths of my heart

a point in time
a spur of the moment
a glimpse of existence

my life revolves on a simple dream
a dream of existing
existing with dreams

~~~~~~~~~~

this is just to remind me of that certain feeling.

Love is...

I went to church today. I volunteered to help with the children's club. We had a bible quote contest. One of the kids recited this particular bible quote perfectly. I was just reminded about this particular feeling...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Moving On

We've finally finished our thesis. Thank God! Now, I can move on with my life. Farewell college life and hello real life!

love and friendship

a very nice poem i came across ^^ it's like the author took the words right out of my heart.

When Best Friends Love

by Ron Carnell

You entered my life like a gentle sigh, like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves. You were a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily, who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds, who made me feel strangely liked and valued. You became my friend, no longer a stranger, trusting me with secrets hidden, confiding what you liked and hated. We talked and laughed and, as time passed by, I grew more and more dependent upon your smile. From strangers to friends was just a baby step, a step a thousand others take every day. Without your trust and trusting ways, without your smiles and encouraging gaze, I would never have taken the step beyond. But the gentle breeze blowing through the leaves is relentless and never ending. We became closer friends, and closer still, until much of my life was centered around the times we spent together. We traveled far along the path of friendship, avoiding the bumps somehow, never stumbling, always in step with one another. You were my guide, my eyes and ears, the unfailing light that lit the road before us. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, you brought me along our course, to a destination I had never seen before. You became my best friend along that journey, the anchor in my life where none had ever been. You did a good job of guiding our steps, a job no other could ever do, and it wasn't your fault, really, when I stumbled. Somewhere along our path, perhaps where the heights were making me dizzy with joy, I simply lost my balance and fell. By the grace of God, I fell not to either side, nor to the rear, but fell instead forward, along the path we'd tread. My plunge forward was unguided, and my steps were steps you never intended. I fell in love with you. From strangers, to friends, to close friends, to best friends. And beyond. I've never been sorry for any step we've taken together, no, not even for the fall I took alone. I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been. I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful. I thought I had known love and all that love can bring. But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves, carries the smell of wild flowers and still wilder beasts, and what you brought into my life can never be assessed. We are so very different, you and I. And yet so much the same. And our differences merge with our similarities, giving rise to something special and unique. We talk. Of all the things I value about this thing that is us, and there are so many I often lose count, I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where. And each time I listen to you, each time I ponder what you've said, I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world. I've learned to trust in your instincts. I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you. I never would have believed the breeze, blowing softly through the leaves, could be so filled with life. I treasure that spark of spirit in you, that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do. It's easy to see how much you love life, even when life is sometimes less than lovable, and that love is always mirrored in your eyes and smile. You are never more beautiful than when that spark ignites and your vitality blazes in your happy face. And, yes, I love your beauty, shallow as that may sound. I love the way your eyes change from blue to blue-green, the way the morning sun catches afire in your hair, the way your nostrils move when you breathe deep breaths, the way your tongue slips out of its safe harbor when you think deep thoughts. I love the curve of your cheek, that soft milky canvas for the faint scar you won't talk about. I love your tiny eyelashes, the small gaps in your teeth, the way your earlobes hang lower than mine. Your beauty truly takes my breath away. I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted, but always just enough. That trust started as a small seed, I think, a tentative whisper of unearned confidence, often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety. I could always tell when you faltered, when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned. And yet still you trusted me, with your secrets, with your feelings, with yourself. You'll never know how much that trust has meant to me. I love the way you understand me too well. It's uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods, frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked. You know so much of me, secrets I've never told, thoughts I've never shared, parts of me I've never seen myself. You've discovered a window into my being, a window I didn't know was there, a window no one else has ever found. It's almost as if our two souls have merged into one, almost as if the hand of God has repaired that which once was broken. I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things, or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all. We shop and walk, eat and talk, playing games apart and united. We study and drill, work and play, listening to music and singing the words together. We have fun with each other, frolicking in our shared pleasures, you enjoying the thrill of life, me just enjoying you. I'm not blinded by my love, though, and know you are not perfect. You are impatient and easy to anger, too intolerant when you should tolerate, too forgiving when you shouldn't forgive. You allow the stresses of life to mold your day, allow the commitments of life to shape your way. I know your imperfections as well as your perfections, know your faults as well as your assets. And I find I love you not in spite of those, but as much because of them as anything else. Your life has touched mine. My friendship with you, my love for you, all that you are and aren't, have changed my life in ways you cannot fathom, in ways I could never describe in depth. The gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves, has worked her wondrous magic, transforming the one she touched. I'm not the same man I was a year ago. I will never be that man again. The communication we've shared has taught me to value our honest openness, and I know I'll never be satisfied again with less. Your trust in me has taught me to trust in you, knowing you will never intentionally cause me pain. Your spark of vitality has transformed the way I see life, giving me reason again to live and cause to celebrate. Your beauty, both inner and outer, has renewed the wonder with which I see the world, and has restored my sense of awe. Even the fun we share, that senseless sense of joy, has changed the way I live and think. As much as you've altered my present, though, the effect you've had on my future is just as great. I once thought I knew what love meant to me, once thought I had experienced all that life had to offer. I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew, and I believed I could never love again, could never willingly face the pain of caring. Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love, was just a lie told by poets. But I was wrong. In learning to love you, I discovered I've never loved before. Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally. I've spent much of my life in love with love, searching for the fulfillment of a concept, caring more for caring than caring for another person. I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection. And when those feelings waned, when the relationships died, I wondered why I felt so empty. So hurt. You changed that, as you've changed so much else. You taught me how to love. I wish you knew the me of before, as you know so well the me of today, so you could see the difference knowing you has made. You've changed my life in so many ways, in ways small and ways important, in ways you'll never know nor understand. The impact you've had on me, on the way I feel and think and act, will endure forever. Until the end of time. Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.

i'm not tired of loving you at all

i've just realized that even if you're makulit, sadista, masungit, madaling magalit, moody, pakialamera, mapride AT manhid... i don't want you to change.. dahil sa ayaw mo man o gusto.. mamahalin pa rin kita.. i always have and i always will.

it hurts to love you the way i do. then look at you and realize how that hurt makes me feel so alive. i loved you expecting to be loved in return. i was so selfish then. i've realized that. i know now that loving someone isn't about getting it all back, it's about giving yourself fully to that person and never expecting anything in return.

i am someone who can always be there for you even if you aren't even there for me. i can be a replacement for your boyfriend ^^ i'm glad i pretended to get angry at you for no reason at all. it gave me time to think. i wanted things to happen that weren't supposed to happen. i was still so immature. i needed to distance myself from you.

i missed you so much.. so very much. all you ever did to me was keep me alive. hello. i still care about you.

quote from some tagalog movie:"Loving someone is the greatest mystery in life and how much love you can give is the greatest discovery you can have of yourself."

forward to the future!

i've been thinking a lot lately.. mostly about what's going to happen to me in the near future. i'm revolving around one thing.. graduation. Graduation is a moment that is often looked forward to by most students. However, it is not the case for me. Although I have my share of doubts and frustrations in school, I can cleary see myself graduating given the best of circumstances and my doing good in school. BUT>>> i also dread the day i cut up my roots, grow wings and fly. It's not exactly DREAD dread, it's more like how a baby might feel when he takes his first step - i know it has to happen but i still don't want it to happen. OKAY. I must admit that I'm afraid of growing up, having responsibilities and stuff like that. I've always been carefree, childish and irresponsible. Facing the challenge of the world is a bit too much for the ME right now. But, I'm going to do my best to be the man I'm supposed to be. I think that when I think about these things, I'm slowly growing up and getting ready for what life will throw at me. Goodluck to me!

a promise

Now you are my beloved ghost
And here i’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me

This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take

The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me

This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take
And i’ll be
The kiss
The gun
We’ll be draining their blood again

Embrace the rest of me
Well be racing through the night
Again, embrace the rest of me
And then we’ll feast on them, celebrating

I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me

I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see

Denied another day
Life took you away
I’ll love you just the same

Cause you are my beloved ghost
And here i’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me
The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me

I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me
I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see

love is a hidden fire,
a pleasant sore,
a soothing pain,
an agreeable torment,
a sweet wound,
in short - a gentle death!

so long sweet summer

it's been a while since i've written stuff here. lesse..

my summer classes just ended yesterday. i can finally kick back and relax now that our summer projects are done or... semi-done. there's still that pesky defence on may 30. still, summer's ending and i haven't done anything worthwhile.

i definitely want to go the beach. maybe just once before the regular classes start. i can see it now - warm summer sun spreading its rays on the horizon, crystal clear waters, beautiful babes... sigh.

anyways, my love life gone from worst to bad. back when i was YOUNG (that's in highschool) i was sort of a flirt (i still am). i wasn't aware of that then. i just realized it sometime ago. i enjoyed the company of lotsa girls. i had a crush on almost all of the girls in my barkada. maybe it was the excitement of getting to know them that blinded me. it probably wasn't attraction. it was more like interest. this is how i am. i love girls.

i've fallen in love with only two girls in my life. one was in highschool and one was in college. my first love was an achiever. she was very intelligent, witty, cute and loved by all. we were seatmates in second year. we talked a lot, texted a lot and saw each other a lot. i fell for her eventually and the rest is history. fast forward to 2 years later. she suddenly changed after our last summer of highschool. she suddenly turned a cold shoulder towards me. i didn't know why. i found out later after i wrote her a letter saying how much i loved her that she loved somebody else. She loved him even before she knew me. i felt really bad that day. The world was unfair. I chose to move on after crying a bucket of tears.

I talk to myself a lot when im depressed. I pretend that im talking to someone who accepts everything i have to say whether its wrong or right. its my way of dealing with things - anger, hate, love, stuff.. so i talked and talked until the pain in my heart subsided. i tried to rationalize everything that had happened. i tried to figure out what i had done wrong or what i hadn't done at all. in the end, i couldn't find the answers. i tried to fool myself by thinking that i shouldn't love her, i didn't need to love her.. that i didn't love her... but to whoever said that love is all in the mind - you were definitely wrong. my heart ached like it was shattered into a million pieces.

and then we graduated. we went to college at the same university. we were friends again. now, just friends... close but not too close.

and then history repeats itself. you know the rest.

my love life's gone from worst to bad. it's gotten better. my heart has setted but i think i can't possibly fall in love anymore. i think im doomed to walk this world alone. it's better to love that not to have loved at all.. yeah. i think so too. in love, the reward is better than the risk.. but when you go through all the risk and all you get is a punishment in the end.. love isn't that tempting anymore.. somebody please save me...