a love letter to myself

(memories of days gone by)

"To truly love someone means that you love that person without expecting to be loved in return."

I feel the most alive when i stay true to my feelings. Whether love is in the head or in the heart doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm happy loving the person I love even though the feeling isn't reciprocated. Others may see my desperation, my anguish, my hurt... yet like a person about to die from an accident but miraculously survives.. life is so much sweeter the second time around and the same can be said with love.

She may not be the one. She may not be my soulmate. She might just be somebody who will teach me how to love - a single soul in the myriads of souls I will meet in my lifetime. Yet I am still here; I am still here now; I am still in this moment of mixed confusion and enlightenment. I want to live here still. I want to cherish the fleeting moments of stillness and of passion.

In my selfishness, I don't want to ever let go. However, life goes on as THEY say. Everybody has to move on, to keep on changing, and to grow. When the time comes that I have to let go of her... I'll let go. I'll just hold on to her till the last millisecond.. nanosecond.. till the last breath. I love her. I always have and I always will. I just can't say it to her face.

---

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

luna lovegood

i just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with my mom and sis today. the movie was kinda cool with the amazing visuals and stuff. still, it kinda left me hanging on the little stuff like luna lovegood's scenes with harry and the recruitment deal goin on with the races.. prolly cause i've read the book. still, it's a movie worth watching. i especially loved the luna lovegood. i think i have a crush on her. :D isn't she cute? hehe. and her voice... oh! don't get me started on her angelic voice. i just love the way she talks.. even in real life :D

46 days in melbourne

a lot has happened to me here but i'll leave that for later when i feel like telling the story.

tonight i just feel like imprinting the very warm feeling i am feeling right now into this electronic version of a diary. i don't know what this feeling is.. i can't put it in plain explanation.. it requires a more artistic (if you can call it artistic) approach and it might sound like this:

~~~~~~~

and there it was.. a fleeting feeling
intantaeneous like a flash of lightning
precious like a memory

it gave me the biggest of smiles
more than the smiles i usually bear
it was a genuine smile - of the heart

46 days was worth all the wait
all the lonely days spent
seemed like it was trivial; insignificant

a girl called me
not just any girl
she was a friend

friends are such a rarity these days
yet there she was
saying sorry over and over~

"sorry for intruding, sorry for taking your time"
she repeatedly said
she sounded so... dare i say it? so cute.

and now this feeling i'm feeling
is slowly subsiding,
crawling back into the depths of my heart

a point in time
a spur of the moment
a glimpse of existence

my life revolves on a simple dream
a dream of existing
existing with dreams

~~~~~~~~~~

this is just to remind me of that certain feeling.

Love is...

I went to church today. I volunteered to help with the children's club. We had a bible quote contest. One of the kids recited this particular bible quote perfectly. I was just reminded about this particular feeling...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Moving On

We've finally finished our thesis. Thank God! Now, I can move on with my life. Farewell college life and hello real life!