a respite from the past

i dwell in present yet i always find myself looking back on the past. "why?" memories keep flashing before my eyes.. it's true what they say that memories are the hardest things to erase. regret.. this i most fear. but alas! i cannot escape its chains. it binds me everyday, every passing second. "no!" my heart aches. no longer do i feel hurt. now i feel only emptiness. they say it's easier to forget when you let go and move on. "i can't move on.. i still haven't let go." my heart still belongs to her though she may not think it anymore. "sigh" i am doomed to walk this barren wasteland of sorrow. i am not desperate. i am just heartbroken.. broken.. i think beyond repair. "somebody save me" i needed a rest from the past. i had. now it's ending. "farewell!" my heart sinks deeper into the cold abyss. "save me" ...

the trick to immortality

"when it comes down to it.. none of us are gonna be around forever.. now we can't dwell on that.. i think the trick is to live your life to its fullest.. make sure you spend as much time as you possibly can with the people you love.." - jonathan kent

sunshower

a sunshower -> "rain while the sun shines".

metaphorically speaking, i had one today. unexpected happenings (which in one way or another involves me) were quite abundant these past few days. it got me wondering whether it be the work of a higher being or just simple coincidences. i guess it was the former.. coincidences just can't be this frequent and accurate. i had my fears and preconceptions about what was going to happen in case those unexpected happenings were to happen but once those things happened, i lost them in a sea of bliss. i was happy for the first time in quite some time. it rained.. and even if it was rain.. it was beautiful.. glowing in the rays of the sun. however, as do all things.. happiness has an end.. the rain poured slower and slower until it vanished in the blanket of reality.

entry 1 of 2. tom na lang ang sunod. study pa ako for SAD. over and out.

an ode to the darkness

i'm not sure if "ode" is an appropriate title for this post but if it means farewell then it is. farewell to the darkness - the darkness that binds my heart. in effect, no more dark colors. notice the new page design. ^^ i don't have much to write. except maybe about the weather. it's pretty hot for november. and my airconditioner is broken. sigh. i'm sweating like a sponge being squeezed tight. december's just around and i'm kinda looking forward to it. cool weather and all. and at Christmas, just about anything can happen. over and out.

the guy under the tree

as i sit on the bench
my eyes stare blankly ahead
at sights blurred and dishreveled
chaotic yet potentially beautiful

i hear the sound of leaves
whispering endlessly in the breeze
giving life to a lonely tree
that stands proud beside me

the day seems dimmer every passing second
clouds make their way
through an ocean of uneasyness
of freedom and blue

cold wind pierces my body
as night feeds from the light
darkness is disturbed
by unwelcome flashes of memories

rushing feelings of love and friendship
bundled into a lifetime of happiness
struggled its way through sadness
fleeing, dispersing, surging

my sembreak so far

i've been busy. hehe. hmm let's see. last last week was the start of my sembreak. we [draftbeer group] finally got our PM project working at our third defense. thank GOd! all there was left to do was to train the staff who would be using our system. piece o' cake! that won't be till the start of the second semester so i've got no more worries for the rest of the break.

my birthday was coming up. october 24 - the day the world was graced by my existence. hehe. i invited some of my highschool buds from Ateneo HS namely lesley, aimee, marc, brian, kenshia, trina, tricia, BJ, and iza. and also my IT3 family along with some special guests namely peter and thyron. it was a fun night. we had a hefty dinner and we hung around the house till late. but the most memorable experience about that night was... uhh.. nothing! memory failed me after drinking a couple of emperador-filled glasses. it's all hazy and boy was it a loooooooong night! i was vomitting all over the house and when morning came, a huge hangover pounded my head. i slept the whole day. hehe. i am never gonna drink again that's for sure.

i got me a new phone. see? it's a sony ericsson s700i. cost me 10500 bucks. my grandma helped me pay for the rest. if u ask me, it's worth it. i've always wanted to have one of those hi-tech phones. and now i got one.

sembreak's end is fast approaching.. it's already oct 31. 1 more week to go minus the days i'm gonna be spending enrolling. i'm both happy and sad to be going to school. happy that i'm going to be seeing my friends again. sad cause.. i'm going to see my friends again. school life's gonna be much harder i guess.. i just gotta try harder! as Rock Lee shouts: enjoy the springtime of youth!!! hehe. over and out.

catching up

i've been really busy with stuff the past few days. It was mostly for our project. Sad to say, we're going on our third defense.. sigh. I hope this is the last one. on the bright side... my mom finally bought a "magic sing". no more worries!!!^^ plus i've got my sem break covered.. i'm gonna go to the gym with my highskul buds everyday.. that should keep me busy til enrollment.. sigh.. i find myself hating going to school.. i've got nothing to look forward to anymore.. i never thought i'd miss her.. well, that's life. over and out.

nothing to do

i've got exams tomorrow and i'm too lazy to study for them. come what may i guess. today, we got screwed at our project defense and our frustrated programming head cried out in... frustration. ^^ more work for us for another seven days. sigh. next wednesday's D Day. do or die. hehe. well on the brightside.. i'm a bit happy.. just for the littlest of reasons. ^^ i won't go in to the details coz there aren't any. ^^ i'm looking forward to finishing our project so i can enjoy our long-awaited break. wish me luck on the exams. three more to go!!! over and out. ^^

i'm not a poet

after the anger has susbided
the only feeling left is emptiness
hatred is just a spectator
to what love can do

all i need is space
to listen to myself
the hurts and the pains
of loving you

please understand
why i need this
i hurt myself
so you can't

there's no doubt
you're still my friend
friendship makes room for love
this time love makes room for friendship

when words are whispered
when feelings are shared
between you and me
only time will tell

...

i guess or rather i know that it's better this way..

rest for the weary

today's sunday. yeah!!! no classes! no teachers! no nothing! just glad i finally got time for myself. tomorrow's going to be the start of hell week. we've got our program to finish plus the documents to compile. sigh. party talaga after!!!

euphoria

isn't it funny how everything turns out ok even under the worst circumstances? or how you want to do something so badly but can't because you're too afraid that something unpleasant might happen yet time always gives you an opportunity to do so minus the hebbie-gebbies? yeah it's quite funny. yesterday was one of those days where nothing could go wrong.. i'm talking about tuesday.. just to clarify coz by the time i finish this post it would already be thursday and that means yesterday would be wednesday.. anyhoo.. euphoria was the word. for those who are new to the word.. it means: An exaggerated feeling of emotional and physical well being, out of proportion to circumstances. or to put simply.. extreme happiness. it's been a long time.. hehe. and now i'm keeping myself busy with a new ps2 game. radiata stories. i love the female protagonist. ridley. sounds like a dood's name doesn't it? well, it's not. picture V-

and i

"And I"

i am lost in the crowd
i'm standing in line
i'm feeling so down
and i am full of doubt
she's not the one take notice
hear me out

and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through

i'm tired
this games so dumb
she never played, her race's won
i'm tired
can't smile no more
i've sure caved in just like before

and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through

i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and you always will pull me through
and i want her, need her
and i want her, need her
and i want her, need her
and i, and i, and i

tortured

i watched "A time to love" last night.. somewhere in the movie i heard the line "the one who tortures (probably hurts) you the most is the one you love..." i find myself thinking.. it's really hard to let her go.. it's like i'm missing something when i'm not with her.. it's painful when we're apart.. it's also painful when we're together.. perhaps... even more.. what am i to do? i have to move on somehow.. *sigh*

all random

i find it really hard to express my feelings for someone i like... my head is telling me to stop... but i find myself liking her even more.. maya na lang ako magdrama oi.. magDOTA pa kmi nila thy. haha.

realization

i've realized something... i need to study!!!

i'm okay ( i promise )

why the spark? even i don't know exactly why. it took me some time to ponder the possible answers and i've come up with these:

(1)i wanted some excitement in my life.

my life has become so monotonous i didn't even realize it since yesterday. i wanted something new.. something to get excited about.. and that's just it..

(2)it's one of the things that i've always wanted to do

ever since i was a kid i've always looked up to kids ( bata na lalake ) who had earrings.. i thought they were really brave or something ( i thought that it really hurt haha )

(3)i wanted to look cool ^_^

self-explanatory o.O lol

(4)had a fight with my mom.. sort of a rebellion >:)

i've been planning this for a long time.. never got the time.. timing lang na nagaway kami ni mama.. so un.. don't really wanna talk about it though

(5)i wanted someone to hate me

i figured she would really hate what i've done.. i wanted her to hate me so it would be easier to stop loving her... (wag na mangulit kung sino)

i think that about sums up the reasons.. and to clear things up.. it's not because i was or am depressed or drunk.. you don't need to be either of those do to stupid things.. haha.

wuts new?

got my ear pierced today... my left ear.. it didn't hurt at all. i think it's kinda cool. ^-^

you and me

you and me

we were never lovers

only the best of friends


we were a strange couple

only because we're both weird


we were always having fun

only because we had each other


we were youthful and innocent

only because we wanted ourselves to be


we were there for each other

only because there was only us


we were friends

only this time around

we're something more...

by request hehe

3 names you go by:
1. dirk
2. dirky
3. oji, mr.pres

3 screen names you have had:
1. dirk_val
2. dirkval
3. vincent

3 physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes - singkit!
2. smile - laki!
3. skin - fair!

3 physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. belly - mataba haha!
2. arms - too hairy!
3. height - short!

3 things that scare you:
1. imaginary monsters
2. gay guys who like to touch
3. death

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. internet
2. iPod
3. wallet

3 of your favorite musical artists:
1. Hale
2. 1000 Foot Krutch
3. The All-American Rejects

3 of your favorites:
1. broken sonnet - hale
2. this is a call - 1000 foot krutch
3. dirty little secret - the all-american rejects

3 things you want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Sincerity
3. Respect

3 lies and truths in no particular order:

Lies:
1. boys were made so girls can flirt
2. love is all that matters
3. love is blind

Truths:
1. if you truly believe.. it will definitely happen
2. girls were made so guys can flirt
3. love works in mysterious ways

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. height

3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. watching anime
2. sound trippin'
3. reading books

3 things you want to do really badly now:
1. eat
2. take a bath
3. get a hug from someone

3 careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. businessman
2. anything in my field (Information Tech)
3. ---

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Japan
2. Boracay ( this time w/ my friends )
3. Singapore

3 kid's names you like:
1. Vincent
2. Clarissa
3. Adrian

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. have a family with lots of kids
2. trip around the world din
3. leave a legacy

3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. i eat a lot hehe
2. i like computer games
3. i keep very many secrets

3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. OC ako
2. perfume anyone?
3. i'm a flirt

3 celeb crushes:
1. Liv Tyler
2. Hilarie Burton
3. Kate Hudson

3 people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. meann
2. kat-chan
3. benjie

same old brand new me? i think not.

i think it's been three days since i've had nights of uninterrupted sleep. it feels really refreshing waking up in the morning minus the bloodshot eyes which i usually wake up with given my insomniac lifestyle. probably i'm not an insomniac anymore - not by choice anyway. i hope this lasts.

new song

telepono by sugarfree.. pahiram sa ben ha.

nice things to think about

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
If you keep your heart open it surely will come again.

Do I love you because you're beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you? -- Oscar Hammerstein

blog thingies

i finally managed to update my blog on the current features of today's blogs namely: tagboard, links to friends, etc. btw, if you have your speakers on, the song playing is stay by cueshe. it's a really nice song. you should listen to it. fin~

the old feeling called "missing you"

The worst way to miss a girl is to miss her when she’s sitting right next to you. i just miss her that's all. *sigh* : (

i got lost today

I just joined the CS Division Forums today err.. I meant yesterday. Sabi pa nga ni Thyron: "nasaag lagi ka dirk? hehe" I got lost hehe. It's really fun talking about stuff and having people respond. It's already 3am and I'm still posting stuff. I want to level up soon!!!

long time no write

it's been a while. i'm currently listening to black lab - see the sun. it's a really nice song. you should listen to it. i just got my net connection fixed hence the usual seldom visit here. i've been wanting to decorate this page but i find it hard to find the time and to be honest i'm just plain lazy. lately, i've been feeling really good. i don't know exactly why. it might be because i did some "unusual" things the past week. e.g. picking a fight during a dota game, saying some nice things to a certain someone, being honest about how i feel for a change, sleeping early! (insomia-free!), studying! (lolz) - all natural highs for me. anyways, this is it for now. kat gave me these cool naruto pics kaninang morning. even got one with a super pretty sakura in it. ^-^

insomniac by choice

i dread the moment when i'm about to sleep (laying on my bed with my eyes focused on the ceiling). by then i get to think about the things that i don't want to think about. like how lonely i get at night( which i think will probably be forever). and then my heart starts to feel that dreadful feeling.. hurt. i just keep myself busy until i finally am too sleepy to do anything else so that when i climb up to my bed i'd go right to sleep.

i'm confused, torn, sad, insecure, angry, lonely and i feel like crying all the time. am i pathetic or what? i think so. i'm gonna sleep now... and hope to dream beautiful dreams..

the old days

i went out with my highschool friends last night namely lesley, gelai, kookey and some of their classmates. Occassion: Gelai's bellydancing recital at MTS. Whoever said that bellydancing was an art to seduce men was definitely right. After the girl's usual ranting about their boyfriends and all, we went to eat at Penongs! Unfortunately for my stomach, the place was packed with people so we decided to eat at Flyover Ihaw2x na lang. Then again, the place was packed with people too! So we ate at the nearest restaurant.. Chowking! Funny things happened. Some "manyakis" kept peering through the window and ogling at my not-so-conservative friends. Gelai was kinda drunk or she hoped she was. Long story. Lesley and Kookey were practically scared. haha. After that, I went home. The End.

sleepy

woke up pretty early today. 8am! really. i'm getting pretty addicted to this blogging thing. how do people get to read other people's blogs anyway? it's not that I want people to read this anyway.

sleepless

can't sleep.. my insomia's acting up again.. decided to bore myself to sleep. wish me luck!

wake-up call

i thought i'd do something that's worth my time instead of just playing computer games. so.. this is my first time blogging. let's see.. well.. i woke up 2pm kanina.. (it's summer and all) After eating a very heavy brunch + early dinner i decided to sit on my hardly comfy coffee chair and proceeded to waste my day by playing "Atelier Iris - Eternal Mana" - an adventure game on the PS2. Good thing my mom called me or I would've stayed in my room all afternoon. Anyways, I became the temp driver cause the regular driver had something to do. Fastforward to McDonald's... i ate food.. (what else is there to do?Ü) blah blah blah. And.. here I am.. finishing up my first post. wow. I actually did something worthwhile! anyways, i gonna customize my blogpage now. later.